Do the thing with me: the one you have been avoiding

Pick the task you have dodged all week. Do it with a witness.

The short version: try one today

• Tell someone exactly which thing it is.
• Stay on a call, cameras optional.
• Celebrate together when it is done.

Nobody around to work with? Priori has body doubling sessions built in. (We make it. It's free to download.)

You know which thing. It has been on your list since Monday, or since March. Every time you remember it, your stomach drops a little, and then you do something else, anything else, including cleaning the oven.

The phrase do the thing with me ADHD comes up when the task has become too heavy to lift alone. So do not lift it alone. Pick the one you have been dodging and do it with a witness. This page is about that single task, and how another person makes it possible.

Why the avoided task gets heavier

Most dodged tasks are small. Booking the dentist. Replying to a tutor. Opening the letter from the bank. Phoning to dispute a bill. The time needed is often ten minutes.

The weight comes from everything attached to it. Each day you avoid it adds a layer of guilt, and soon you are also dreading the explanation for why it is late. Many women with ADHD describe a familiar loop of shame here, especially if you were labelled careless or lazy growing up.

By day five, the task is ten minutes of admin wrapped in a week of feelings. That is why willpower keeps bouncing off it. There is more on the pattern in why you clean the kitchen to avoid one email.

Tell someone exactly which thing it is

Say it to another person, in specific words. 'I need to email my manager about the mistake in the spreadsheet and I have been avoiding it for six days.'

That sentence does a lot. The task stops being a secret, and secrets feed dread. You hear how small it sounds out loud. And the other person nearly always responds with some version of 'Oh, I have one of those too', which helps enormously.

Choose someone kind. Skip the friend who says 'just do it, it takes two seconds'. You want someone who will say 'Okay. Want to do it now while I am here?'

How a do the thing with me ADHD call works

Get on a call. Video, voice, cameras on or off, whatever feels least stressful. Then follow a loose script.

• Each of you names your avoided thing.
• Agree a time. Twenty minutes is usually plenty.
• Stay on the line while you both work. Muted is fine.
• Narrate if it helps: 'Opening the email now. Typing the first line.'
• Say 'done' when it is done, or say where you got stuck.

Staying on the call is the important part. Knowing someone is there, even silently, makes it harder to drift off and easier to sit through the uncomfortable first minute. If it is a phone call you are dreading, your witness can stay on a text thread while you make it, and be there when you hang up.

If you get stuck halfway, say so. Often the block is one small unknown: you cannot find the reference number, or you do not know how to word the opening line. A second brain can usually solve that in thirty seconds.

Celebrate together when it is done

This step is easy to skip, and you should not skip it. Once it is finished, mark it with the other person. A cheer on the call, a ridiculous string of messages, a cup of tea together, a walk to get a pastry.

The ADHD brain is thought to respond more to immediate rewards than distant ones. 'I will feel relieved eventually' is weak. A friend shouting 'YES' right now is strong. It also gives the memory of this task a better ending, so the next avoided thing is slightly less frightening.

Then return the favour, and cheer for theirs. This works best as a two-way arrangement, without scorekeeping or lectures. For more on keeping it kind, read accountability without shame.

And if today's attempt does not work, you have still said the thing out loud to someone. That is further than you were this morning. Try again tomorrow with the same person and a smaller first step.

Quick questions

Why can I not do simple tasks even when I want to?

With ADHD, starting a task depends on executive function and on how the task feels, more than on how long it takes. When a small job has gathered a lot of dread, having another person present can make that first step more manageable.

What does 'do the thing with me' mean?

It is an informal kind of body doubling where you tackle one avoided task while a friend keeps you company, usually on a call. You both name your task, work at the same time and celebrate when it is finished.