A focus buddy keeps you honest without nagging
The buddy does not manage you. They just know.
The short version: try one today
- Send your plan each morning.
- Send a one-line result each evening.
- Swap roles so it stays equal.
Nobody around to work with? Priori has body doubling sessions built in. (We make it. It's free to download.)
The whole arrangement can start with one text: 'Today I am emailing my tutor, doing a wash and writing 300 words. Can I tell you tonight how it went?' If your friend replies with her own three things, congratulations. You each now have an ADHD focus buddy.
The buddy does not manage you. She does not remind you, chase you or check your work. She just knows what you planned, and it turns out that being known is often enough.
What an ADHD focus buddy does, and does not do
A plan that lives only in your head is easy to quietly drop. Nobody saw it, so nobody notices when it vanishes at 2pm. Once you have told one person, the plan exists outside your head. That small bit of social weight helps a lot of people with ADHD follow through.
The 'without nagging' part matters just as much. Many women with ADHD grew up being reminded, corrected and sighed at, and often carry a lot of shame about it. A buddy who polices you just adds another voice to that pile. The role is closer to a witness. There is more on keeping it kind in accountability without shame.
The morning message
Send your plan each morning, before you open anything else. Keep it to two or three items and start each one with a verb. 'Book dentist. Finish slide 4 to 9. Reply to Aisha.' Not your entire to-do list.
Writing it forces you to choose, which is half the benefit. If picking three feels impossible because everything is urgent, the 3-item list approach can help you narrow it down.
Your buddy does not need to reply with anything clever. A thumbs up is fine. Her own list is better. Skip the commentary on each other's plans unless someone asks for it.
The evening line
In the evening, send one line with the result. 'Dentist booked, slides done, did not reply to Aisha.' That is it. No explanation and no apology paragraph.
The honest version is the useful one. If you report only the wins, you will start avoiding the chat on bad days, and bad days are when it helps most. A good buddy answers 'got nothing done, slept badly' with 'ugh, same last week, tomorrow?' and moves on.
Over a few weeks, those one-liners become a record. You may notice that Mondays are always rough, or that anything involving a phone call slides for days. Some women also notice their follow-through shifts at certain points in their menstrual cycle. Research on that is still early, but your own notes are worth paying attention to.
Keep it equal
Swap roles so it stays fair. You both send plans and you both send results. If only one of you reports, it slowly turns into a parent and child arrangement, and one of you will start to dread it.
- Choose someone reliable and kind. She does not need ADHD, but she should not be a person whose approval you are desperate for.
- Agree what happens when someone goes quiet. A simple 'you alive?' after two days works.
- Review after a month. If it feels like homework, shrink it to weekdays only or one item each.
When it fizzles, and it sometimes will, restart without ceremony. Send tomorrow's plan as if nothing happened. No one needs a speech about the gap. If your buddy keeps disappearing, that is information about her week, and you are allowed to find a second person or a small group chat.
A flatmate can work, but someone you do not live with is often easier. She cannot see the washing still sitting in the machine.
Quick questions
What is a focus buddy for ADHD?
It is someone you share your daily plan with and report back to, usually by text. She does not supervise or remind you. The benefit comes from another person simply knowing what you intended to do.
How is a focus buddy different from body doubling?
Body doubling means working at the same time as someone, in the same room or on a call. A focus buddy does not need to be present while you work, since you just swap a plan in the morning and a result in the evening. Plenty of people use both.